Part 3: Chapter 50
After his confrontation with Arnie in the school parking lot, Dennis heads to Johnny Pomberton’s place to pick up Petunia. Who is Petunia? She is a large tanker truck with a 20,000 gallon capacity. Capacity for what?
Kaka.
What else would a shitter drive?
Dennis heads to the Libertyville Lunch, a local diner, and calls Leigh. He tells her to come meet him and bring painkillers. His leg is acting up, and he is going to need to be operating at as close to 100% as he can get. The end, he knows, is nigh…
I almost feel as though we could end today’s post right here and now, Blog-o-weeners. Chapter 50 is not only short, but it is pretty useless, too. I kind of understand why it is on its own, though. Dramatically speaking, the previous chapter needed to end with Dennis’s face-to-face-to-face with Arnie and LeBay. The next chapter (spoiler alert!) is the final showdown, so it needs to sit on its own. This chapter… well… it’s just a placeholder.
As someone who just finished writing a novel (..cough-cough… shameless self-promotion…), I understand how hard it is to tear out underperforming chapters. You ask yourself, “Do I really need to say all this or could it be hinted at in a paragraph or two in another chapter?” This is a chapter that could have been (and probably should have been) a paragraph or two somewhere else — if for no other reason than to end the book with an even fifty chapters.
What can we actually talk about here…
Well, we have another motor vehicle with a woman’s name for one thing. Both Johnny Pomberton and Dennis refer to Petunia as “she.”
Say! That means we’re gonna have two “females” going head-to-head in the last chapter. It’s Christine vs. Petunia. You know what that means?
Petunia is huge tanker truck painted pink like a pig. More than likely, she is named after Porky Pig’s girlfriend.
Who now?
Petunia Pig was the creation of Frank Tashlin in the 1937 short Porky's Romance. Later, after Tashlin left Warner Bros. Studio in 1938, Bob Clampett redesigned Petunia. She was given dark hair tied in pigtails (natch), and her personality was not as overbearing. Sadly, the character was retired soon thereafter due to her relative unpopularity.
Maybe Porky complained that she was hogging the spotlight?
I like that Dennis calls Leigh from a diner pay phone. Back in the day, diners were a ubiquitous part of every Pittsburgh neighborhood. There was nothing I looked forward to more after a night of barhopping and beers than a trip down to De Luca’s in the Strip District on a Sunday morning for a post-hangover plate of eggs, bacon, and potatoes. And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.
Unfortunately, with rising inflation costs putting the pinch on both businesses and their customers, it seems that the good ol’ American diner is on the endangered species list. It is getting harder and harder for mom-and-pop diners to keep up with gutless, corporate slophouses like Denny’s. If you have an independently-owned greasy spoon near you — preferably one that was a train car in a previous life — then stop in for a visit. I mean, where else are you gonna meet a short-order cook named Dutzer?
It feels weird to pull off the road while it is still daylight, but that’s our motel up ahead. There’s a diner just across the street that is still serving breakfast, so while we’re waiting for our pancakes and bacon to hit the table, let’s talk about Frye boots.
Say what?
When Leigh shows up at the Libertyville Lunch, she is sporting a “fur-fringed parka and faded jeans. The jeans were tucked into battered Frye boots” (464).
Founded in 1863 in Marlboro, Massachusetts, The Frye Company quickly became the leader in the manufacturing of shoes, boots and other leather accessories. (I wonder what those would be? Heh-heh-heh!) Frye’s customers include such celebrities as Jackie Kennedy, Bing Crosby, Jerry Lewis, Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Ann-Margret, Walt Frazier, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, Candice Bergen, Liza Minnelli, Carole King, Gene Autry, and President Richard Nixon. The company is still going strong today.
Woof… I don’t think I can eat another bite. Those pancakes were bigger than my head, as well as my stomach. While I go back to our room and drop into a deep, deep coma, you should read Part 3: Chapter 51. It is longer than the other chapters we’ve read recently, but it is what we’ve been waiting for for the past 460-some-odd pages. That’s right: it’s Christine vs. Petunia! It’s Dennis and Leigh vs. LeBay and Christine! It’s the final battle for all the marbles! It’s the “Barrage in the Garage”! It’s—
All right, all right!
Sheesh.
Man, why did you let me eat so much? You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson by now: stop eating after the sixth chocolate chip pancake. How do you do it? How do you know when to say when? What’s that? By watching me? How does watching me help you… oh, wait… I get it…













































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