Wings, S01E06, "All for One and Two for Helen"

Roy and Fay are at sixes and sevens. Roy wants to expand his hangar; Fay wants to protect a family of short-eared owls nesting nearby. Joe agrees to support Fay's cause at the next airport committee meeting, much to Roy's chagrin.

Brian has scored three, center-court tickets for the upcoming Celtics-Knicks game. He views this as a perfect opportunity for The Three Musketeers to get together again. Joe and Helen - the other two-thirds of said Musketeers - heartily agree. Huzzah!

Roy, playing the part of Cardinal Richelieu, learns of the trio's plans and arranges for the airport committee to call an emergency meeting the night of the game. Joe, ever the Boy Scout (would he be the Aramis of the group?), agrees to forego the pleasures of seeing a Larry Bird three-pointer in person and promises Fay he'll be there.

Later at the meeting, Joe learns that the game was called off. But if that's the case, then what are Brian and Helen doing? And where are they doing it? And does it involve "Bonus Travel Miles"?

It's the last episode of Season One, so it's nice that they close things out by focusing on the main characters. And, of course, that means we get the first Joe-Helen-Brian love triangle storyline. It's the perfect set-up for the coming seasons. Unless you aren't a fan of "will they, won't they?" stories where the characters bicker endlessly about how they hate each other only to come together and smooch like crazy. And if you are one of those people, I've got one question for you: Why do you hate America?

This episode also contains more instances of what I hope will be an ongoing, series-long game. I am, of course, talking about playing "What the hell is Brian wearing?" First off, what the hell kind of Celtics shirt is he wearing? It's a strange, pea-soup, off-green color that I highly doubt Robert Parish would ever wipe his sweaty face with let alone wear.

Later, after his date with Helen, we see him in a sweater that I gotta admit I would have killed to have had back in high school. Hotchka!

Speaking of Brian's quirks, this is another episode where he jumps up and sits on Helen's lunch counter. I don't know what's grosser: Brian putting his shoes where people eat or drinking straight from the coffee creamer pitcher. I mean...ew!

I'll forgive Brian for the above because of the killer ping-pong impersonation he does while Joe is trying to work, as well as for the following exchange with Helen. While trying to look inconspicuous in Helen's living room, Brian quickly grabs a book and pretends to read it.

Brian: This is really amusing.

Helen: [Looking at the cover] Great Moments in British History?

Brian: Yeah, Churchill just gave the queen a wedgie!

Royal wedgies make everything better! We are extremely amused!

While Joe, Brian, and Helen are front-and-center this episode, the supporting cast is given a chance in the spotlight, too. The gags get off to a sassy start when Roy and Fay square off at the beginning of the episode over Roy's plans for the nesting area of the owls Fay is trying to protect:

Roy: I need that extra space for my hangar to park my new plane.

Joe: Couldn't you put it somewhere else?

Fay: I've got a suggestion.

Roy: You and me, the parking lot, anytime you're ready, Granny!

Joe: [Holding Roy back.] For God's sake, Roy!

Roy: She's been asking for it!

Fay: Give me your best shot, Lumpy.

Damn, Fay! Honestly, I think she could take him. Especially if she uses her "Thing I use to peek around corners and look at birds with."

Later, Lowell gets in on the act when Fay informs Joe that he can't go to the Celtics game because the airport committee has called an emergency meeting for the same night. Joe tries to suggest other, more qualified people to take his place:

Joe: What about the president of Nantucket Nature Society?

Fay: Lois Anders? No, I'm afraid not. You remember that bumper sticker she has on her car? "I Break for Field Mice"? Well, she did and got rear-ended by a bus.

Lowell: I paid her a visit in the hospital. She's doing fine. She's still a little skittish if you come up behind her and go "Beep!"

Okay, folks, it is that time. Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full, upright positions. Securely fasten your seat belts. Tuck your carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and be sure your "Thing you use to peek around corners and look at birds with" is safely stowed in the overhead bins. And, no, we do not offer a Bonus Travel Miles program, no matter what the gentleman in the loud Hawaii shirt says. Please do not sit on his lap for any reason.

This flight we discussed a love triangle. Next time out, we will be flying into another kind of triangle: the Missing Episode Triangle! It's the start of Season Two, but we will be discussing Episode Two, "The Story of Joe," not Episode One, "The Puppetmaster."

Wings, S01E05, "There Once Was a Girl from Nantucket"

Brian is very excited: it's been a full week, and his brother, Joe, hasn't fired him. [Ed.: I feel the same way about my continued employment.] Looking to celebrate this milestone, Brian asks Helen to go out with him and paint the town red. She turns him down, because, as a rule, she doesn't date pilots. Undeterred, Brian asks Lowell, Fay, and even (gasp!) Roy to tagalong with him, but no one seems much interested.

Could it be the shirt?

Left with his brother as a last resort, Brian cajoles Joe to stop being so boring and by-the-book and go out and pick up ladies with him. Joe refuses, and Brian takes this as a challenge to find the perfect woman for his brother. The next day, Brian introduces Cindy McGrath (Megan Mullally) to Joe. Unbeknownst to the Hackett brothers, Cindy is quite well-known to the male population of Nantucket. Will Joe go out on a date with a woman who has such a "reputation"? Will Helen break her rule concerning pilots. Does Lowell live next door to Quincy, M.E.?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Much the way tofu used to be seen as a marker of a character's flibbertigibbetness (that's a word, right?), working behind the make-up counter was sure sign that a character was a bubble-headed ditz. Nothing could be further from the truth! Personally, I am amazed by anyone who can color coordinate. Also, Cindy seems very proud of her abilities and doesn't see her position as a sales clerk as demeaning or low. So, why should we? Good for you, girl!

Speaking of Cindy - and there's a lot to say! - Megan Mullally's accent is pretty great, though I am not sure where it's supposed to land. Is she going for "surfer girl"? There are surfers in New England, right? Let's say there are. Then, she's doing a great surfer girl accent. If that isn't what she was shooting for, then I am not sure where Cindy is supposed to be from. Of course, Helen's Texan accent was easily explained, so let's say all agree that Cindy moved to Nantucket from the Valley when she was in her teens. That's her backstory, and I'm sticking with it.

Cindy's reputation as a "good time girl." Ultimately, who cares, am I right? Breaking news: women like having sex as much as men! But, I suppose if we're trying to put things into context, then the return of conservative values mixed with the VD scares of the 1980s meant that someone was getting thrown under the prejudicial bus for being easy. And we all know that no one is going to snigger behind their hand at Jimmy (Ben Mittleman) for sleeping around. Gee, I wonder why? What could be the difference between Jimmy and Cindy? Hmm? It'll come to me...

Lately, I've been enjoying a YouTube playlist of author Harlan Ellison's commentaries from the old Sci-Fi Channel. Called Harlan Ellison's Watching, they were part of a show called Sci-Fi Buzz running from 1993-1996. The commentaries were four or five minute blasts of Ellison at his best: angry, hopeful, angry, witty, angry, hilarious, and...well...angry. One of the topics that Ellison would return to a few times over the series was the subject of cultural illiteracy. Ellison bemoaned the fact that readers (or TV viewers for that matter) were growing less aware of the past. This lack of awareness of what's come before means that writers are unable to make cultural references for fear of losing their audience's attention. Cultural references are often used as shorthand. If an audience doesn't understand the reference, then they won't understand the implications of it in what they are reading/watching.

When watching older TV shows, there are often names dropped here and there that will have been well-known to contemporary viewers, but whose identities have been lost to the sands of time, so to speak. In this episode of Wings, there are three references being made that may be unknown to younger, modern viewers. Two of them I can understand; the third, though I know it well, I also know that younger people will just not get it at all, and that pains me.

The first two references are to people who would've been known to viewers at the time. When Joe is introduced to Cindy, he learns a little about what she does for a living:

Cindy: I work down at the Bi-Rite drugstore. Yeah, I'm head of the Cosmetics Department. 

Joe: That sounds fascinating. 

Cindy: Oh, it is! I mean the right colors can make such a difference. Well, take your face: great bone structure, but I could do wonders with a little bronzer. You know, sort of a Julio Iglesias kind of a thing?

Ol' Julio is a Spanish singer best known for his duet with Willie Nelson and for his tanning regiment, which he claimed gave him his strength and vitality.

The second reference is made by Roy after he sees the sorry shape that Jimmy left the Hackett boys in:

Joe: God, this is so embarrassing.

Helen: Oh, would you just forget it. That place was full of tourists. Nobody you know will ever hear about it.

[Roy enters the scene and rings a bell on the wall.]

Roy: Well, well. If it isn't the Spinks brothers.

Ah, Leon Spinks...

Ah, Michael Spinks...

Ah, humanity!

I can forgive not knowing those references. If you asked me to name a current Spanish singer or boxer, I'd probably be hard pressed to do so. The third reference, however, is what I would call a biggie. Understanding it makes the joke even funnier. Not knowing the motion picture that is mentioned is, I think, kinda sad.

Cindy arrives at Tom Nevers Field to catch a plane to Boston. She is leaving Nantucket to pursue her dreams in the big city. She lets Joe down easy, but every time she walks away to board her plane, Joe follows her.

Cindy: Joe, Joe, you're ripping my heart out! Don't do this! Don't follow me like this!

Joe: Cindy, I have to. I'm the pilot of your flight.

[The two of them walk off into the fog.]

Roy: [To Fay] Not exactly the end of Casablanca, was it?

At the time, Casablanca was a 50-year-old movie and a cultural touchstone. If you tucked your upper lip above your teeth and said "Here's looking at you, kid" chances were pretty great that other people would know you were doing a Humphrey Bogart imitation. Now, I'm not at all sure that viewers would know what Casablanca was, let alone the famous ending of that movie. Again: ah, Bogie! Ah, humanity!

Let's turn away from such maudlin ruminations on the loss of cultural memory and get down to enjoying some great gags. In this episode, Fay has got some very funny moments. Speaking to a woman enquiring about an upcoming flight, Fay reveals a few interesting facts from her past:

Woman: When does the next flight from Boston arrive?

Fay: There's an Aeromass flight due soon. Are you meeting someone?

Woman: My son. He's in the army.

Fay: How nice for you. My second husband, George, was in the army. Or was that my first husband, George?

Woman: You had two husbands named George?

Fay: Three actually. Buried them all.

Woman: That's rather unusual.

Fay: Not really. Where I come from, we always bury our dead.

Later, when Brian reveals the name of the woman he's found for his brother, Fay mentions that she also knew a woman named Cindy:

Fay: Joe, Cindy is a nice name. In my stewardess days, I once flew with a girl named Cindy. I'll never forget her. She spilled a bag of peanuts in a minister's lap, then made the mistake of going after them herself. It's now in the training manual under the heading "Don't Ever Do This."

We also get a peek at Lowell's life away from Tom Nevers Field. Last episode, we learned that Lowell was married. This time, we learn a little bit about where:

Brian: Hey, Lowell, how about you and me going out and having a couple beers?

Lowell: No, thanks, I gotta get home. Wife called, and I got two inches of water in the living room.

Brian: Is your roof leaking?

Lowell: No, it's the floor. I live on a boat.

Oh, man! Houseboat livin'! I've always dreamed of living on a houseboat. Could you imagine having Lowell and Quincy as your neighbors? Maybe Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice lives across the way, too?

Last, but not least, can we talk about Brian's wardrobe in this episode? That shirt he's wearing in the first half looks like a Bubblicious commercial threw up on him.

And what he has on during his double date with Joe? Well, that's got South of the Border gift shoppe written all over it!

Well, the time has come, ladies and gentlemen. Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full, upright positions. Securely fasten those seat belts. Be sure your carry-on luggage is stowed beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. And if a woman named Cindy spills some peanuts in your lap, well, maybe just go with it. It's her first day on the job. Cut her some slack.

Next time out, we will be flying into the last episode of season one. It's called "All for One, And Two for Helen," and it's the first of what I assume will be many episodes about the Joe-Helen-Brian triangle.