Wings, S02E04, "Sports and Leisure"

It’s a case of “good news/bad news” for Sandpiper Air. The bad news is that Sandpiper’s lone plane is grounded because of a broken nose wheel strut. A new part to fix the problem won’t be available for a few days, meaning Sandpiper’s passengers have to be transferred to their competitor, AeroMass. What could possibly be the silver lining to this gray cloud? Why, everyone gets to go fishing on Lowell’s boat, that’s what!

Said silver lining becomes a tad tarnished, however, when Roy invites himself along for the ride. After the fishing trip becomes an impromptu morning swim thanks to Roy’s practical joking, the gang want nothing further to do with him. Faye, unfortunately, has already invited Roy to their Trivial Pursuit game night at Helen’s on Friday.

Will everyone accept Roy for who he is and make him feel at home? Can Roy change his entire personality for the good of the group? Will Roy bring his famed pasta salad? What does Ann-Margaret have to do with all this?

This episode has the feel of — dare I say it? — filler. All the scenes occur on only two sets, the terminal at Tom Nevers Field and Helen’s living room. The only characters are our familiar core group of players. We don’t have any outsiders imposing themselves on the action. In fact, we don’t really learn anything new about our characters, although Roy’s desire to be as well-liked as Joe is a new wrinkle. Even that, however, is ironed out by the end of the episode, leaving us exactly where we started.

Written by show creator David Angell, “Sports and Leisure” feels like the result of an early brainstorming session. I can imagine Angell sitting around with fellow show creators Peter Casey and David Lee and throwing out the idea for the heck of it: “What if Roy joined the rest of the gang on an outing?” It’s a good concept, but not a great one. It is something you could probably knock out quickly and keep in your backpocket on a “just in case” basis. Not every swing of the bat brings forth a home run. Sometimes you gotta make due with an infield dribbler that just gets you to first base.

That being said, there are a few highlights to...well...highlight. As usual, when he’s on screen, Thomas Haden Church as “Lowell” steals the show. Early on, the group tries to convince Joe to play hooky with them on Lowell’s boat. Joe is sure that Lowell is doing his best to fix the plane so Sandpiper doesn’t have to shut down for the day. Lowell walks out of the hanger with a fishing rod in his hand and the back of his shirt hooked at the end of the line.

Lowell: Can somebody give me a hand over here? I was practicing casting and—

Brian: Lowell, Lowell, please, I think we can piece together the rest of this perplexing mystery.

Joe [helping Lowell untangle himself]: What about that strut, Lowell?

Lowell: Ah, a nose wheel strut is a very tricky piece of equipment, Joe.

Joe: Yeah, you said that an hour ago.

Lowell: I don’t think I said ‘very.’

Later, at Helen’s, as the gang prepares for Roy’s visit, Joe regales them with the story of how Roy opened up to him emotionally:

Joe: I’m telling you, if you guys could have seen Roy in the hangar the other day, he was like a little boy.

Lowell: Did he still have the mustache?

Now there’s a visual for you: a little Roy with a big mustache. Good times!

Lowell is also at the center of the comedic whirlwind that is the Trivial Pursuit game. Teamed up with Roy for the night, Lowell proceeds to drive poor Roy up a tree by blurting out the answer to every question without conferring with his partner. Worse, his every answer is wrong. Worse still, his every answer is Ann-Margaret. What lovable redhead and her Cuban husband starred in their own television series in the Fifties? Ann-Margaret! Who is the largest user of silver in the world? Ann-Margaret! And my favorite:

Joe: What does Simon Wiesenthal hunt?

Lowell: Ann-Margaret!

Joe [makes buzzer sound]: Fugitive Nazis.

Roy: Simon Wiesenthal hunts Ann-Margaret?

Lowell: Well, I thought he might be one of those crazed fans, Roy.

Do I need to add that Ann-Margaret ends up being the correct answer to one of the questions? Do I also need to add that neither Roy nor Lowell say Ann-Margaret? No, I didn’t think so...

In the “Do modern viewers still know who this person is?” department, we have two references. The first is when everyone gets together very early in the morning for the fishing trip. Helen says, “I can’t believe I’m up before Willard Scott.”

During his lifetime, Willard Scott was an actor, a comedian, and an author. He was, at one point, Bozo the Clown, and also created the role of Ronald McDonald. But he is best known as the weatherman on NBC’s weekday morning show, TODAY. From 1980 to 1996, Scott was the man who many Americans turned to for their weather forecasts. Scott was a born showman, sometimes donning a costume for his weather spots. Once he dressed as Boy George, another time he was Carmen Miranda. He was also famous for his birthday segments where he celebrated the birthday of centenarians across the country. After 1996, Scott went into semi-retirement, handing the weather prognosticating reins over to Al Roker. Scott filled in from time to time until his full retirement in 2015. All in all, Willard Scott spent 65 years at NBC, a remarkable run.

During the same scene, Roy shows up to everyone’s surprise and consternation. As they leave for their fishing trip, Roy slaps a cassette into his boom box and says, “I hope you guys like Slim Whitman. I’ve got 75 of his greatest hits. They’re not available in stores, you know.”

Oh, they know, Roy. They know.

I for one would love to track down every instance in pop culture where Slim Whitman rears his thin-mustache-sporting, Brylecreemed-hairdo-styling, voice-of-an-angel-yodeling head. Poor Slim. For a good long while, the guy was a falsetto-voiced punching bag, an easy target for every lazy comedian or writer who wanted a straw man to feel superior to. For a time there on TV and in the movies, if you had a character that you wanted to paint as a total dweeb and all-around uncool cat, you only had to slip their preference for the music of Slim Whitman in somewhere, and audiences got the message.

Born in 1923, Whitman was a country music singer known for kicking his voice into the upper registers from time to time. His career spanned over 70 years, and during that time he pumped out over 100 albums and over 500 songs, from country-and-western to gospel to show tunes to standards. Heck, Slim even opened for the King, Elvis Presley in the 1950s.

What made Whitman ripe for the jokesters, however, was his television commercials. Beginning in 1979, Whitman began marketing his music via TV ads that claimed he was “number one in England longer than Elvis and The Beatles.” Over the next decade or so, Whitman released five albums of tunes over the air, all of which were huge sellers and helped resuscitate his career.

So who’s the joke on now, huh?

We’re coming up to the final boarding call, but there’s one more little thing I want to talk about. Maybe it says more about me and my personal quirks, but I found it interesting. As they are getting ready to leave, Joe notices that Helen is maybe not properly dressed for the weather:

Joe: Helen, it’s going to be hot today. Why didn’t you wear shorts?

Helen: I didn’t have time to shave my legs.

Brian [disgusted]: Oh, whoa! Check, please!

Joe [equally disgusted]: Really? Couldn’t you have made something up?

Really, fellas? A little hair on a woman’s legs is going to send you into paroxysms of revulsion and nausea? Sheesh! Get over yourselves, will ya? I’ve never understood the aversion to hair on the female body. As someone who tries to shave his face as seldom as possible, I cannot fathom being pressured by society’s expectations into making sure my body is completely hairless before leaving the house. Everyday. So weird.

On that note, folks, if you look out the cabin windows, you’ll see that the weather is getting a little hairy. We probably should have taken Willard Scott’s weather forecast to heart. Nevertheless, we will try to make our final descent as smooth as possible. Please do your part by helping our crew tidy up. Make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright positions. Place your carry-on luggage beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins, then securely fasten your seat belts. And, no, that high-pitched whine you hear is not our nose wheel strut threatening to fall off. It’s just your pilot’s 8-track tape of Slim Whitman’s Greatest Hits. A little blast of “Indian Love Call” does wonders to focus the mind, you know.

Our next flight is season two's fifth episode, “A Standup Kind of Guy.” Until next time...

Wings, S02E3, "A Little Nightmare Music"

As disembarking passengers enter the terminal at Tom Nevers Field, Helen recognizes one as Edward Tinsdale, the famous conductor of the Minneapolis Philharmonic. At the behest of Joe and Brian, Helen returns Tinsdale’s “lost” luggage to him and asks for an impromptu audition in order to gauge her development as a cellist. Alas, the great man’s cutting feedback is hard for Helen to hear. Distraught, Helen reevaluates her life, wondering if all the years of practice she’s put into her music were worth it.

Meanwhile, Faye is practicing for her turn as “Madame Zorco - Fortune Teller” at the annual V.F.W. carnival. One of Faye’s…er…Madame Zorco’s predictions comes true for Lowell, so naturally Roy wants his fortune read, as well. Alas (there’s a lot of alasing in this episode), the cards determine that Roy’s future isn’t as rosy as Lowell’s.

Will Helen give up the cello? Will Roy’s luck ever turn around? What noise does Poppo the Clown’s stomach make when he gets socked in it?

So many questions!

Edward Tinsdale is played by the one and only David Ogden Stiers. Television fans will recognize him as Major Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H. His fussy and stodgey manner was always a nice foil to Hawkeye’s and Hunnicutt’s buffoonery. Fans of 1980s teen comedies may recognize Stiers from his role as John Cusack’s put-upon father in the classic Savage Steve Holland film Better Off Dead (1985). However and wherever you remember seeing him before, Stiers always carried himself and his characters with dignity and aplomb. Stiers was a veteran of the improv group The Committee, whose alumni also includes Howard Hesseman, Rob Reiner, and Peter Bonerz. He also attended Juilliard and was mentored by John Houseman (an actor who could pull off fussy and stodgey with the best of them!). He also was the associate conductor of the Newport (Oregon) Symphony Orchestra and the Ernest Bloch Music Festival, as well as guest conductor of over seventy orchestras from around the world. All that from a guy without any formal musical training!

Stier’s aforementioned fussiness is used well here. Tinsdale is just a guy who wants to enjoy his honeymoon (and seems to be doing just that, if you know what I mean, nudge-nudge, wink-wink). As Helen, Joe, and Brian continually barge in on the happy couple’s connubial bliss, Stiers’s weary, stiff-upper-lipped reactions make for great comedy, as do Mrs. Tinsdale’s (Kelly Miracco) off-camera reactions to the trio’s (coitus) interruptions

Tinsdale: Won’t you play for me again, please? 

Helen: Really? Are you sure? Because I think I could play much better than I did yesterday. I was very flustered…well, I wasn’t very flustered, but I was pretty flustered, that’s why I think I’m sure…well, I’m really sure that I think I could play much better because I’m not as flustered— 

Mrs. Tinsdale (yells from the bedroom off camera): Play the damn thing!

But Edward Tinsdale isn’t the only celebrity visiting the island. Though the viewer never sees him, it seems that Channel 8-TV’s own Poppo the Clown is in town. Lifelong fans Joe, Brian, and Lowell light up like the cathode ray clown’s pants at the mere mention of his name. Sadly, the scales fall from Lowell’s eyes when he realizes that “Poppo doesn’t really make that funny noise when you sock him in the stomach.” It’s hard meeting your heroes, folks.

While Helen and Lowell have their existential crises, Fay and Roy have a supernatural one. While getting ready for the V.F.W. carnival, Fay, aka Madame Zorco, gives Lowell a card reading that tells him that “a stranger is going to bring him unexpected good fortune.” Sure enough, later in the day, after Lowell returns a lost wallet to its owner, the man gives the mechanic a $20 reward. Naturally, Roy wants a piece of that action and asks Madame Zorco to do a reading for him. Things don’t go quite the way Roy wants. After twice revealing a run of cards, and twice quickly gathering them up, Fay promises to read Roy’s fortune later:

Fay: Roy, I’m not feeling very well. Why don’t we do this tomorrow? 

Roy: You saw something, Fay. Now what was it? 

Fay: No, no, no, nothing. Absolutely nothing. It wasn’t the death card— 

Roy (shocked): It was, too. It was the death card. 

Fay: No, it was the, uh, cheese card. 

Roy (incredulous): The cheese card? 

Fay: The cheese card. It means you’re going to buy more airplanes and become an even bigger cheese around here.

I wouldn’t mind getting the cheese card if it just meant I was gonna eat some yummy cheese. Sometimes a Camembert is just a Camembert, after all.

Later, after being critiqued by Tinsdale the second time, the gang is worried about how Helen is taking it:

Brian: Then, she finished playing, and he just stared at her, kinda like the way you stare at a bug after it splattered on your windshield. And then he told her: she played better the first time. 

Fay: Poor Helen. 

Joe: I’m worried about her. She must be totally devastated. 

Helen (cheerfully enters the terminal and walks behind the counter): Good morning! Isn’t it a beautiful day? 

Lowell: God, it kills me to see her like this.

What follows is an interesting scene, one whose premise I’ve thought often about. Helen goes on to tell everyone that Tinsdale’s brutally honest criticism of her playing has made her reevaluate her life. Instead of waking up and practicing for two hours, this morning she watched the sunrise, went for a walk, and took a bubble bath. After all that she still had time to enjoy the morning paper over breakfast.

Helen: I figured it out. Practicing two hours a day, I have put over 10,000 hours of my life into that cello. Do you realize how many hours that is? 

Lowell: Unless this is a trick question, I’d say…10,000?

Through Tinsdale’s assessment, Helen makes peace with the fact that she will never be part of an orchestra, never be a professional musician, and so, need never center her life around the cello. She can finally just enjoy life. Later, as he and his wife are preparing to board their plane, Tinsdale apologizes for his critique:

Tinsdale: I may have left you the other evening with the impression that your musical ability is non-existent. That is not quite true. I believe that you possess a glimmer of talent. 

Helen: A glimmer? 

Tinsdale: Yes. The tiniest of glimmers, but it is there. 

Helen: No. You cannot be saying this because, see, I just got my life back— 

Tinsdale: Of course, it means that you’ll have to practice four, maybe five, hours a day religiously, but I believe that there’s a chance over the next few years— 

Helen: You told me I stink. 

Tinsdale: Oh, but you don’t. 

Helen: Oh, yes, I do. Completely and totally. Pee-yew! You said no self-respecting orchestra would have me. 

Tinsdale: I exaggerated. I apologize. 

Helen: No, you can’t be saying this. You said that I didn’t have a chance. 

Tinsdale: But you do. 

Helen (grabs Tinsdale by the lapels): Take it back! You can’t give me hope! What kind of monster are you?

As someone who grew up being told I had loads of “potential” that I wasn’t living up to, I feel for Helen, I really do. I’m not sure which is worse: losing out on the fulfillment of a dream due to a lack of talent or having just enough talent to keep you chasing after that dream, but never reaching it. I love writing. I think, like Helen, I’ve the tiniest glimmer of talent at it. Will I ever have any success with it? Probably not. Are there days when I wonder what the use of it is? You betcha. Do I still do it? Yep. Why? I don’t know. I like the doing, I guess. I like sitting at a desk and pushing words around a page. I hope Helen likes the doing, although the end of the episode paints a rather shockingly downbeat and pessimistic picture:

Helen: What am I going to do? I’m cursed with a glimmer of talent. I’m going to be chained to that instrument for the rest of my life. Good-bye, walks on the beach. Good-bye, fingernails. Good-bye, life. 

(Helen exits.) 

Joe (to Brian): Think she’s going to be alright? 

Brian: She’ll be fine. 

Joe: I don’t know. I’ve never seen her like this before. 

Brian: You don’t think she’s going to do anything desperate? 

(Off-screen sound of scales being played on a cello.)

On that note, folks, if you look out the cabin windows, you’ll see that we are beginning our final descent. Please help our crew tidy up and make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright positions. Place your carry-on luggage beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins, then securely fasten your seat belts. And please don’t sock Poppo in the belly. We’ve run out of airsickness bags.

Our next flight is Episode Four of Season Two, “Sports and Leisure.” See you then…

Wings, S02E02, "The Story of Joe"

Brian is on the tarmac at Boston's Logan Airport awaiting the arrival of two passengers who are holding up Sandpiper Air Flight 48's return to Nantucket. The would-be sport fishermen finally arrive, and boy, do they look familiar. The heavy-set fellow, Norm, seems to have an inordinate love of beer, and his mustachioed friend, Cliff, is a know-it-all who frowns at mailman jokes. (More on them later!)

Back at the terminal of Tom Nevers Field, Joe is nervously anticipating being interviewed by American Flyer magazine. The good publicity, he feels, could put Sandpiper Air on the map. Ted Cobb, the reporter, arrives aboard Brian's flight. It quickly becomes obvious, however, that Ted isn't enamored with idea of writing up three pages about Joe and his little one-plane operation. It seems that he'd rather be back at his old post at Mercenary Monthly, spinning wild yarns about even wilder men. Men like Brian, who is a big fan of Ted's work. The two hit it off, then go off leaving Joe behind.

Will Joe ever see his name in print? Will Brian ever tell Joe how he feels about him? Will Norm and Cliff ever go fishing before they have to go back to Boston?

Some housekeeping first: your computer and internet connection are working just fine. You didn't miss my blog post on Season Two, Episode One, "The Puppetmaster." And, no, that episode is not an adaptation of a Robert Heinlein story. 

I am watching this series on Hulu. Streaming services, as well as DVD/Blu-ray releases, are notorious for leaving out certain episodes. Why does this happen? Mainly it's because of music rights issues. Obtaining the rights to use music is very expensive, and many are the TV shows and movies that have not been (legally) released to the public because the distribution companies and rights holders could not come to an agreement. WKRP in Cincinnati is a perfect example of this problem. For years, it was nigh impossible to get your hands on the original episodes as they were broadcast because of music licensing issues. It wasn't until 2014 that you could get your hands on a complete DVD set with around 90% of the original music cleared for use.

Unfortunately, Wings is no different. There are about twenty-three episodes over the entire series that are unavailable for (legal) streaming because of this issue. So, instead of discussing how Brian hires an actor to pretend to be a pilot in order to get Helen to break her promise never to date pilots (which is what "The Puppetmaster" is all about), we are here to talk about the first Cheers/Wings crossover. Not a bad trade off, if I do say so myself.

If you haven't guessed it already (And if you haven't -- what's up? Are you feeling all right?), the "Norm and Cliff" mentioned above is that Norm and Cliff. Wings was created and produced by veterans of the Cheers writers' room: David Angell, Peter Casey, and David Lee. These three would also create Frasier. Not too shabby a career, says I.

The inclusion of Norm and Cliff is great way to broaden the horizons of the show, as well as drawing in new viewers. Cheers was wildly popular, and the shenanigans of Norm and Cliff,  were in a large part responsible for that show becoming the ratings juggernaut that it was. Here, the episode isn't about the two-man brew crew from Boston, which is nice. The main storyline is still about Joe and Brian, but every so often they bump into Norm and Cliff during their surf-n-turf bar crawl. The Cheers regulars are the jimmies on the Wings cupcake, so to speak.

Mmmm...cupcakes...

Fans of body horror will recognize the man who plays the journalist Ted Cobb. That's actor Charles Callahan, and he was "Norris" in John Carpenter's The Thing. He was a well-travelled actor on TV. He appeared on episodes of The Rockford Files, Hawaii Five-O, Soap, The Paper Chase, and Hill Street Blues. I like to think that this isn't just Ted Cobb who's visiting Nantucket Island, it's Ted Cobb-Thing! How long was he alone with those passengers during the flight from Boston? Did he ever get Brian alone somewhere when they hit the town together? I think we can assume that Norm and Cliff have been assimilated and Sam and Diane are soon to join the collective!

There's a lot going on here, so Lowell and Fay have to make the most of their screen time. They partake in some pretty good gags throughout, especially my man Lowell. We get another mention of the Hackett Bros. handyman's life on a house boat when Norm and Cliff say they are looking to do some deep sea fishing:

Norm: Cliffy, let's go down to the wharf and charter a boat.

Lowell: I've a boat for charter. She's a beauty, and I'll give you a great deal, too.

Norm: Sounds good.

Lowell: Of course, my family lives on the boat, but they won't get in your way. Don't mind the little one. He'll probably just crawl right up into your lap and fall asleep. At least that way he won't eat the bait.

Fay gets in on the act when Ted Cobb hits the terminal. He introduces himself, and she does her best to be helpful.

Ted: I'm Ted Cobb from American Flyer magazine. I'm looking for Joe Hackett.

Fay: That's him right over there. In case you need it for your article, my name is Fay Evelyn Cochran, my favorite color is blue, and I was the first stewardess to use the emergency exit gesture. [With both hands, she points straight ahead, then off to each side.]

Ted: I've seen your work. Thanks.

This is also a great episode for Steven Weber to strut his comedic stuff. Ted, it seems is well known to Brian.

Brian: Ted Cobb...you aren't the Ted Cobb who wrote for Mercenary Monthly, are you?

Ted: Yeah, I am.

Brian: Man, I loved your stuff! My favorite was the four-part article on the sucking chest wound.

Ted: Yeah, I was pretty proud of that.

Brian: I used to read your magazine from cover to cover when I was flying out of Mustique.

Ted: You flew out of Mustique? I lived there for two years! Did you ever go drinking at Basil's?

Brian: Are you kidding me? They named a drink after me: "The Traumatic Head Injury."

And just like that, poor Joe's dreams of being featured in American Flyer magazine...well...they fly right out the door. How can you compete with a brother who has lit Princess Margaret's cigarette with a tiki torch? Not to worry though, Gentle Viewer, there's still time at the end of the episode for the Brothers Hackett to reveal their true feelings to each other. And for Fay to admit that she is, perhaps, watching too much TV wrestling. Is that even a thing?!

Well, folks, you know what time it is. As we begin our final descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright positions. Be sure that you securely fasten your seat belts. Place your carry-on luggage beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. We have been given permission to land, and our next flight won't be for another month. It won't be until November that we fly the funny skies of Wings and talk about Episode Three of Season Two, "A Little Nightmare Music." Why the month-long layover, you ask? Because it's October, and that means it's time for this blogger's 31-day trip through the land of witches, vampires, and ghouls. It's time for LARPing Real Life to talk Halloween! I hope you'll drop by during October and see what we're up to in these parts. I'll be writing about some of my favorite spooky movies, TV shows, radio shows, books, and more! It should be a good time.

Wings, S01E06, "All for One and Two for Helen"

Roy and Fay are at sixes and sevens. Roy wants to expand his hangar; Fay wants to protect a family of short-eared owls nesting nearby. Joe agrees to support Fay's cause at the next airport committee meeting, much to Roy's chagrin.

Brian has scored three, center-court tickets for the upcoming Celtics-Knicks game. He views this as a perfect opportunity for The Three Musketeers to get together again. Joe and Helen - the other two-thirds of said Musketeers - heartily agree. Huzzah!

Roy, playing the part of Cardinal Richelieu, learns of the trio's plans and arranges for the airport committee to call an emergency meeting the night of the game. Joe, ever the Boy Scout (would he be the Aramis of the group?), agrees to forego the pleasures of seeing a Larry Bird three-pointer in person and promises Fay he'll be there.

Later at the meeting, Joe learns that the game was called off. But if that's the case, then what are Brian and Helen doing? And where are they doing it? And does it involve "Bonus Travel Miles"?

It's the last episode of Season One, so it's nice that they close things out by focusing on the main characters. And, of course, that means we get the first Joe-Helen-Brian love triangle storyline. It's the perfect set-up for the coming seasons. Unless you aren't a fan of "will they, won't they?" stories where the characters bicker endlessly about how they hate each other only to come together and smooch like crazy. And if you are one of those people, I've got one question for you: Why do you hate America?

This episode also contains more instances of what I hope will be an ongoing, series-long game. I am, of course, talking about playing "What the hell is Brian wearing?" First off, what the hell kind of Celtics shirt is he wearing? It's a strange, pea-soup, off-green color that I highly doubt Robert Parish would ever wipe his sweaty face with let alone wear.

Later, after his date with Helen, we see him in a sweater that I gotta admit I would have killed to have had back in high school. Hotchka!

Speaking of Brian's quirks, this is another episode where he jumps up and sits on Helen's lunch counter. I don't know what's grosser: Brian putting his shoes where people eat or drinking straight from the coffee creamer pitcher. I mean...ew!

I'll forgive Brian for the above because of the killer ping-pong impersonation he does while Joe is trying to work, as well as for the following exchange with Helen. While trying to look inconspicuous in Helen's living room, Brian quickly grabs a book and pretends to read it.

Brian: This is really amusing.

Helen: [Looking at the cover] Great Moments in British History?

Brian: Yeah, Churchill just gave the queen a wedgie!

Royal wedgies make everything better! We are extremely amused!

While Joe, Brian, and Helen are front-and-center this episode, the supporting cast is given a chance in the spotlight, too. The gags get off to a sassy start when Roy and Fay square off at the beginning of the episode over Roy's plans for the nesting area of the owls Fay is trying to protect:

Roy: I need that extra space for my hangar to park my new plane.

Joe: Couldn't you put it somewhere else?

Fay: I've got a suggestion.

Roy: You and me, the parking lot, anytime you're ready, Granny!

Joe: [Holding Roy back.] For God's sake, Roy!

Roy: She's been asking for it!

Fay: Give me your best shot, Lumpy.

Damn, Fay! Honestly, I think she could take him. Especially if she uses her "Thing I use to peek around corners and look at birds with."

Later, Lowell gets in on the act when Fay informs Joe that he can't go to the Celtics game because the airport committee has called an emergency meeting for the same night. Joe tries to suggest other, more qualified people to take his place:

Joe: What about the president of Nantucket Nature Society?

Fay: Lois Anders? No, I'm afraid not. You remember that bumper sticker she has on her car? "I Break for Field Mice"? Well, she did and got rear-ended by a bus.

Lowell: I paid her a visit in the hospital. She's doing fine. She's still a little skittish if you come up behind her and go "Beep!"

Okay, folks, it is that time. Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full, upright positions. Securely fasten your seat belts. Tuck your carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and be sure your "Thing you use to peek around corners and look at birds with" is safely stowed in the overhead bins. And, no, we do not offer a Bonus Travel Miles program, no matter what the gentleman in the loud Hawaii shirt says. Please do not sit on his lap for any reason.

This flight we discussed a love triangle. Next time out, we will be flying into another kind of triangle: the Missing Episode Triangle! It's the start of Season Two, but we will be discussing Episode Two, "The Story of Joe," not Episode One, "The Puppetmaster."

Wings, S01E05, "There Once Was a Girl from Nantucket"

Brian is very excited: it's been a full week, and his brother, Joe, hasn't fired him. [Ed.: I feel the same way about my continued employment.] Looking to celebrate this milestone, Brian asks Helen to go out with him and paint the town red. She turns him down, because, as a rule, she doesn't date pilots. Undeterred, Brian asks Lowell, Fay, and even (gasp!) Roy to tagalong with him, but no one seems much interested.

Could it be the shirt?

Left with his brother as a last resort, Brian cajoles Joe to stop being so boring and by-the-book and go out and pick up ladies with him. Joe refuses, and Brian takes this as a challenge to find the perfect woman for his brother. The next day, Brian introduces Cindy McGrath (Megan Mullally) to Joe. Unbeknownst to the Hackett brothers, Cindy is quite well-known to the male population of Nantucket. Will Joe go out on a date with a woman who has such a "reputation"? Will Helen break her rule concerning pilots. Does Lowell live next door to Quincy, M.E.?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Much the way tofu used to be seen as a marker of a character's flibbertigibbetness (that's a word, right?), working behind the make-up counter was sure sign that a character was a bubble-headed ditz. Nothing could be further from the truth! Personally, I am amazed by anyone who can color coordinate. Also, Cindy seems very proud of her abilities and doesn't see her position as a sales clerk as demeaning or low. So, why should we? Good for you, girl!

Speaking of Cindy - and there's a lot to say! - Megan Mullally's accent is pretty great, though I am not sure where it's supposed to land. Is she going for "surfer girl"? There are surfers in New England, right? Let's say there are. Then, she's doing a great surfer girl accent. If that isn't what she was shooting for, then I am not sure where Cindy is supposed to be from. Of course, Helen's Texan accent was easily explained, so let's say all agree that Cindy moved to Nantucket from the Valley when she was in her teens. That's her backstory, and I'm sticking with it.

Cindy's reputation as a "good time girl." Ultimately, who cares, am I right? Breaking news: women like having sex as much as men! But, I suppose if we're trying to put things into context, then the return of conservative values mixed with the VD scares of the 1980s meant that someone was getting thrown under the prejudicial bus for being easy. And we all know that no one is going to snigger behind their hand at Jimmy (Ben Mittleman) for sleeping around. Gee, I wonder why? What could be the difference between Jimmy and Cindy? Hmm? It'll come to me...

Lately, I've been enjoying a YouTube playlist of author Harlan Ellison's commentaries from the old Sci-Fi Channel. Called Harlan Ellison's Watching, they were part of a show called Sci-Fi Buzz running from 1993-1996. The commentaries were four or five minute blasts of Ellison at his best: angry, hopeful, angry, witty, angry, hilarious, and...well...angry. One of the topics that Ellison would return to a few times over the series was the subject of cultural illiteracy. Ellison bemoaned the fact that readers (or TV viewers for that matter) were growing less aware of the past. This lack of awareness of what's come before means that writers are unable to make cultural references for fear of losing their audience's attention. Cultural references are often used as shorthand. If an audience doesn't understand the reference, then they won't understand the implications of it in what they are reading/watching.

When watching older TV shows, there are often names dropped here and there that will have been well-known to contemporary viewers, but whose identities have been lost to the sands of time, so to speak. In this episode of Wings, there are three references being made that may be unknown to younger, modern viewers. Two of them I can understand; the third, though I know it well, I also know that younger people will just not get it at all, and that pains me.

The first two references are to people who would've been known to viewers at the time. When Joe is introduced to Cindy, he learns a little about what she does for a living:

Cindy: I work down at the Bi-Rite drugstore. Yeah, I'm head of the Cosmetics Department. 

Joe: That sounds fascinating. 

Cindy: Oh, it is! I mean the right colors can make such a difference. Well, take your face: great bone structure, but I could do wonders with a little bronzer. You know, sort of a Julio Iglesias kind of a thing?

Ol' Julio is a Spanish singer best known for his duet with Willie Nelson and for his tanning regiment, which he claimed gave him his strength and vitality.

The second reference is made by Roy after he sees the sorry shape that Jimmy left the Hackett boys in:

Joe: God, this is so embarrassing.

Helen: Oh, would you just forget it. That place was full of tourists. Nobody you know will ever hear about it.

[Roy enters the scene and rings a bell on the wall.]

Roy: Well, well. If it isn't the Spinks brothers.

Ah, Leon Spinks...

Ah, Michael Spinks...

Ah, humanity!

I can forgive not knowing those references. If you asked me to name a current Spanish singer or boxer, I'd probably be hard pressed to do so. The third reference, however, is what I would call a biggie. Understanding it makes the joke even funnier. Not knowing the motion picture that is mentioned is, I think, kinda sad.

Cindy arrives at Tom Nevers Field to catch a plane to Boston. She is leaving Nantucket to pursue her dreams in the big city. She lets Joe down easy, but every time she walks away to board her plane, Joe follows her.

Cindy: Joe, Joe, you're ripping my heart out! Don't do this! Don't follow me like this!

Joe: Cindy, I have to. I'm the pilot of your flight.

[The two of them walk off into the fog.]

Roy: [To Fay] Not exactly the end of Casablanca, was it?

At the time, Casablanca was a 50-year-old movie and a cultural touchstone. If you tucked your upper lip above your teeth and said "Here's looking at you, kid" chances were pretty great that other people would know you were doing a Humphrey Bogart imitation. Now, I'm not at all sure that viewers would know what Casablanca was, let alone the famous ending of that movie. Again: ah, Bogie! Ah, humanity!

Let's turn away from such maudlin ruminations on the loss of cultural memory and get down to enjoying some great gags. In this episode, Fay has got some very funny moments. Speaking to a woman enquiring about an upcoming flight, Fay reveals a few interesting facts from her past:

Woman: When does the next flight from Boston arrive?

Fay: There's an Aeromass flight due soon. Are you meeting someone?

Woman: My son. He's in the army.

Fay: How nice for you. My second husband, George, was in the army. Or was that my first husband, George?

Woman: You had two husbands named George?

Fay: Three actually. Buried them all.

Woman: That's rather unusual.

Fay: Not really. Where I come from, we always bury our dead.

Later, when Brian reveals the name of the woman he's found for his brother, Fay mentions that she also knew a woman named Cindy:

Fay: Joe, Cindy is a nice name. In my stewardess days, I once flew with a girl named Cindy. I'll never forget her. She spilled a bag of peanuts in a minister's lap, then made the mistake of going after them herself. It's now in the training manual under the heading "Don't Ever Do This."

We also get a peek at Lowell's life away from Tom Nevers Field. Last episode, we learned that Lowell was married. This time, we learn a little bit about where:

Brian: Hey, Lowell, how about you and me going out and having a couple beers?

Lowell: No, thanks, I gotta get home. Wife called, and I got two inches of water in the living room.

Brian: Is your roof leaking?

Lowell: No, it's the floor. I live on a boat.

Oh, man! Houseboat livin'! I've always dreamed of living on a houseboat. Could you imagine having Lowell and Quincy as your neighbors? Maybe Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice lives across the way, too?

Last, but not least, can we talk about Brian's wardrobe in this episode? That shirt he's wearing in the first half looks like a Bubblicious commercial threw up on him.

And what he has on during his double date with Joe? Well, that's got South of the Border gift shoppe written all over it!

Well, the time has come, ladies and gentlemen. Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full, upright positions. Securely fasten those seat belts. Be sure your carry-on luggage is stowed beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. And if a woman named Cindy spills some peanuts in your lap, well, maybe just go with it. It's her first day on the job. Cut her some slack.

Next time out, we will be flying into the last episode of season one. It's called "All for One, And Two for Helen," and it's the first of what I assume will be many episodes about the Joe-Helen-Brian triangle.