Wings, S01E04, "Return to Nantucket, Pt. 2"

Hoping to win back his ex-wife, Carol (Kim Johnston Ulrich), before she leaves for London, Brian Hackett asks her to meet him on top of the Prudential Building in Boston. Joe and Helen follow Brian in order to pick up the pieces when Carol inevitably doesn't show. However, to everyone's shock and chagrin, Carol steps out of the elevator and back into their lives.

Back on Nantucket, Brian is on cloud nine now that he and Carol are back together. Unfortunately, he is the sole occupant of said cloud, because Carol is too busy smooching with Joe. Worse still -- Joe is smooching her back! Has Carol returned to Nantucket only to drive a wedge between the Hackett brothers again? Will Carol ever remember who Helen is and how awfully she treated her in high school? Is "locker pizza" the next big thing?

Let's take a closer look...

Is it me or does actress Kim Johnston Ulrich look a bit like Diane from Cheers? Enough so that I had to check to see if she was Shelley Long's double. No such luck, although Ms. Ulrich did show up on an episode in 1988. Taking a gander at her credits, Ulrich did the tour of all the big TV series of the 1980s and 1990s -- The A-Team, Hunter, Jake and the Fat Man, Matlock, Murder, She Wrote, etc. The credit that caught my eye, however, was Passions. If you've never seen an episode of that bizarro soap opera, then you owe it to yourself to track it down. I'm sure there are clips on YouTube somewhere. If you mixed the paranormal storylines of Dark Shadows with the self-referential, "breaking-the-fourth-wall" nature of, say, It's Gary Shandling's Show, then you'd kinda get an idea of the weirdness of Passions. I mean, this was a soap in which the characters would sometimes be shown watching a soap on TV called...Passions. You see what I mean? Kim Johnston Ulrich portrayed the character "Ivy Winthrop" for the show's entire run from 1999-2008, and I say good for her. That show would take top mention on my CV if I were her.

I'm not one of those people who feel the need to "correct" the thinking of older shows. People viewed the world differently in the past, and I am sure that the shows of today will look equally "unwoke" to viewers thirty years from now. Or maybe they'll make fun of them for being woke in the first place. Who knows? Having said that, the fat jokes about Helen have worn (dare I say?) thin. I think that every line that Crystal Bernard has in this episode centers around her character's weight and food issues. One or two lines would be fine, but after the tenth such mention, I found myself saying aloud, "I get it! She used to be overweight!" Crystal Bernard is a swell comedic actress, she deserves better...though I have to admit watching her eat pizza in a locker is kinda funny. And the thought of a meatball bouncing off her left breast made me chortle.

You know who else is funny? Lowell. Of course, he is! We're four episodes into Wings, and already Lowell is the guy we can't wait to see on screen. Lowell is in fine form this episode as he gets a bit confused about Roy's aversion to "woman" things:

Lowell: Where's Helen?

Roy: Trust me, Lowell, you don't want to know. 

Lowell: (Thinks it over.) Yes, I do. 

Roy: I think it's one of those "woman" things. God, I'm tired of those. 

Lowell: You're tired of them? 

Roy: Yeah. 

Lowell: You're tired of those "woman" things? (Puts two and two together and comes up with five.) Roy, are you telling me that you're a woman dressed up like a man? 

Roy: What did you say? 

Lowell: And a hearing loss to boot. You've got a lot on your plate, my friend. 

Roy: Are you stark, raving mad? 

Lowell: Ah! A fiery wench. Guys love that. 

Roy: You stay away from me. 

Lowell: Relax, Roy. My wife would kill me if she caught me cheating on her.

Lowell's confusions are compounded to the point where, later, he offers some rather strange advice to a down-in-the-mouth Joe:

Lowell: Everything okay, Joe? 

Joe: Well, actually, I've got a little problem, but, hey, everyone has problems. 

Lowell: Not like yours. Listen, Joe, if you and Brian want to date each other, well, it's your own business. But before you give up on the fairer sex, give Roy a call. A nicer gal you won't find anywhere.

Could we love Lowell more?

Parting is such sweet sorrow, as the Hackett brothers discovered when they gave Carol the bum's rush at episode's end (did you really think Carol was going to stick around?). That's right, folks, it's that time again. Time to make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright positions. Time to securely fastened your seat belts. Time to stow your carry-on luggage beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. We have been given permission to land. But worry not, our next flight is coming up soon. Next time we take to the air, we will be discussing "There Once Was a Girl from Nantucket."