Blog-o-ween 2022: The Classics, Pt. 1

One day. ONE DAY! That's all that is standing between you and the Big H-A-double hockey sticks-oween! We've listened to a lot of great old time radio  shows, haven't we? We've heard fantastic audio horror from the 1930s all the way up to the 2020s! That's nearly a hundred years of storytelling goodness! We've heard tales from Arch Oboler, Ray Bradbury, and H.P. Lovecraft. We've heard the voices of Peter Lorre, Mercedes McCambidge, and Vincent Price. We've been terrorized by werewolves, videotapes, and dentists. It's been an amazing ride on this Blog-o-ween train. It's a pity it has to end.

But it isn't over yet! We still have today and tomorrow, and for the penultimate and ultimate days of October, I thought we'd tune our ears to the ne plus ultra of radio thrills and chills. Today and tomorrow, we will be listening to the scariest radio shows ever broadcast. I can already hear your haughty indignation and "Well, actually..." now:

"Who says these are the scariest?"

Well...I do, for the most part. It's my blog, after all. Most of the shows I'll be posting can be found on the interwebz if you search for "scariest old time radio shows," so a lot of other people think so, too, but ultimately it came down to what me, myself, and I thought was scary. Listener mileage may vary.

"What were the determining criteria that made you choose one show over another?"

Determining what? What are you on about? This isn't science. I picked what I picked cuz I picked 'em. They're just old time radio shows.

Without further ado...or should that be...Without further a-boo, heh-heh-heh!...let's just jump head first into the three shows I've chosen for today. Each of these is creepy and off-putting in its own way. Strangeness abounds in them all. Some use the supernatural to send a shiver up the spine. Others rely on good ol' fashioned human foibles and failings to get their scares across.

First up is a tale from "Radio's Outstanding Theater of Thrills," Suspense. It stars an actor who is making his first appearance in this year's Blog-o-ween: Cary Grant. The story concerns a couple whose car runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere while a storm rages around them. To compound matters, there is a crazy woman known as "The Crazy Woman" sneaking about the countryside with a meat cleaver, chopping the heads off her victims. Soon, a terrified woman comes out of the dark asking to be let in. Will the couple rue their decision to leave the main highway and travel..."On a Country Road"?

Next, we've got an episode of Hall of Fantasy. In this story, we have a young woman who is being stalked by creatures she cannot see, creatures who live in the dark and only come out when the lights are turned off. This one has the feel of the 2016 film Lights Out mixed at times with A Nightmare of Elm Street -- the raspy cackle of the creatures reminds me of Freddy Kreuger. Listen to "The Shadow People" with the lights turned out...if you dare!

Our last tale of the evening makes me feel like a department store on 1 November, because it isn't even Halloween yet, and here I am serving up a good ol' fashioned Christmas ghost story. But "Smee" by A.M. Burrage isn't just any Christmas ghost story. I think it's one of the finest ghost stories there is. It's a simple, yet effective tale about a party game called "Smee." You've heard of it? No? Well, the rules are simplicity itself:

"It’s a great improvement on the ordinary game of hide-and-seek. The name derives from the ungrammatical colloquialism, 'It’s me.' You might care to play if you’re going to play a game of that sort. Let me tell you the rules.

"Every player is presented with a sheet of paper. All the sheets are blank except one, on which is written 'Smee'. Nobody knows who is “Smee” except 'Smee' himself—or herself, as the case may be. The lights are then turned out and 'Smee' slips from the room and goes off to hide, and after an interval the other players go off in search, without knowing whom they are actually in search of. One player meeting another challenges with the word 'Smee' and the other player, if not the one concerned, answers 'Smee'.

"The real 'Smee' makes no answer when challenged, and the second player remains quietly by him. Presently they will be discovered by a third player, who, having challenged and received no answer, will link up with the first two. This goes on until all the players have formed a chain, and the last to join is marked down for a forfeit."

As I said, it's a simple game, however, things become complicated when the twelve people playing "Smee" inexplicably become thirteen. Where did the extra player come from? Who is the newcomer? Listen to this episode of the South African show Beyond Midnight here to find out.

Blog-o-ween 2022: Beyond Midnight

For today's second installment of Blog-o-ween 2022, let's take a look at a specific radio program. Beyond Midnight is not one of the hallowed members of the Golden Age of Radio - that slice of time running from the birth of commercial radio (thank you, KDKA in Pittsburgh!) through to the 1950s, when television took hold of the public's imagination (and wallets). Running on Springbok Radio in South Africa from 1968 to 1970, Beyond Midnight was the brainchild of Michael McCabe, who acted as producer and writer for the series. McCabe and Co. produced 78 30-minute episodes of supernatural horror. Many of these stories were adaptations of tales by authors such as Ray Bradbury, Charles Dickens, A.M. Burrage, Robert W. Chambers, W.W. Jacobs, William Hope Hodgson, and Edith Nesbit.

Almost as scary as the stories featured on Beyond Midnight were the adverts from show sponsor Bio-Tex. The laundry soap and pre-wash powder manufacturer's tagline "Just soak, just soak, just soak in Bio-Tex" is often spoken in a deadpan manner by the show's host, giving the words a more chilling feel than was probably intended.

You can find many of Beyond Midnight's episodes at the Internet Archive, as well as the excellent old time radio resource Relic Radio. We will be featuring one of Beyond Midnight's episodes later this month, A.M. Burrage's Christmas ghost story "Smee." For now, enjoy this adaptation of English writer and poet Edith Nesbit's snort story "Man-Size in Marble." Here is "The Marble Knights."

31 October: A Trio of Old Time Radio Thrills

 

Well, we done did it, good people. We made it through another October, and now it’s Halloween. We’ve spent the last month together sharing movie, book, and audio suggestions thanks to Cinematic Void’s 31 Days of Voidoween. It’s been a blast talking up my spooky selections, and I loved seeing what other people were up to, too. Thanks to folks using #cinematicvoid and #voidoween on Twitter, I’ve got a list the length of my arm filled with movies I can’t wait to check out.

Cinematic Void is ending Voidoween with a wild card. It’s up to each of us to choose a personal Halloween favorite. I’ve decided to end things with a bang - three of ‘em to be exact! Follow the links below, turn your lights down low, and enjoy some good ol’ fashioned radio drama.

First up is a trip in the wayback machine to 1948 where we’ll listen to a classic episode of Wyllis Cooper’s Quiet Please: “The Thing on the Fourble Board.” I don’t want to give too much away on this one. All I will say is that a “fourble board” is the working platform on an oil derrick. Everything about this episode - the writing, the acting, the sound design - is sheer horrific perfection. And the story’s ending is absolutely unforgettable.

Let’s go back a couple of years to 1946 and listen to an episode of one of the premier radio programs of radio’s Golden Age, Suspense. “The House in Cypress Canyon” is considered by many people to be the scariest radio program of all time. Written by Robert L. Richards, directed by William Spier, and starring Robert Taylor and Cathy Lewis, it’s the story of a young couple – James and Ellen Woods – who move into a small house in the titular canyon. From their first night in their new home, the Woodses are haunted by inhuman cries in the night. There is no explanation for what happens next. What befalls James and Ellen could happen to anyone at any time. Why, it could happen to you...

Last up is an episode of Beyond Midnight, a radio program from South Africa that ran from 1968 to 1970. The episode is an adaptation of a classic Christmas ghost story by A.M. Burrage. It is called “Smee,” and it is my very favorite ghost story. It’s has a simple story-within-a-story construction. The outer story concerns a group of friends who are preparing to play a post-dinner game of hide-and-seek on Christmas Eve. One of the party refuses to play. Jackson had a bad experience some years before at another friend’s house playing a similar game:

‘I wonder if any of you have played a game called “Smee”. It’s a great improvement on the ordinary game of hide-and-seek. The name derives from the ungrammatical colloquialism, “It’s me.” You might care to play if you’re going to play a game of that sort. Let me tell you the rules.

‘Every player is presented with a sheet of paper. All the sheets are blank except one, on which is written “Smee”. Nobody knows who is “Smee” except “Smee” himself—or herself, as the case may be. The lights are then turned out and “Smee” slips from the room and goes off to hide, and after an interval the other players go off in search, without knowing whom they are actually in search of. One player meeting another challenges with the word “Smee” and the other player, if not the one concerned, answers “Smee”.

‘The real “Smee” makes no answer when challenged, and the second player remains quietly by him. Presently they will be discovered by a third player, who, having challenged and received no answer, will link up with the first two. This goes on until all the players have formed a chain, and the last to join is marked down for a forfeit.’

The group encourages Jackson to tell the whole story, and we move into the inner tale, which is where Beyond Midnight begins its episode. The radio program uses the rules of the game – the large house, the silence, the solitude – to chilling effect. “Smee” has a wonderful ending that, although you may see it coming, is still powerful enough to elicit a shudder. Along the way, there are many moments where Jackson and his fellow players rub up against the uncanny and outré. One moment, in fact, on a staircase, involving the accidental (?) miscount of the number of players in the game made the bottom fall out of my stomach.

I hope you’ve had a good time this month following along with me. I’ve had a blast talking up my favorite Halloween tricks and treats. Stay tuned to this blog for more talk about the TV shows Wings and Tucker’s Witch. Come tomorrow, I’ll be taking part in National Novel Writing Month, and I’ll keep you up to date with how that is going. I am continuing my work on a giallo-esque thriller. I'm about 10 chapters into it, and it's been a blast so far.

So...until next time...enjoy the Horrorthon and...Happy Halloween...