18 October: Kingdom of the Spiders

 

Today is all about animals for Cinematic Void’s 31 Days of Voidoween.

Uh...not quite.

No, not him either.

Now we’re talking!

It’s time to celebrate those movies that show us just where humanity stands in Mother Nature’s view. When we’ve gotten too big for our britches, ol’ Mom sends a horde of the creepy-crawlies to put us back in our rightful place. I can take an animal attack movie that uses big critters like lions and tigers and bears, but when movies start using our six- and eight-legged friends, that’s when I say, “Oh, my!” In 1977, one of the creepiest of the “animals attack” movies was released to theaters, but it wasn’t until it started showing up in video stores and on cable TV did the nightmares really begin. We’re talking John "Bud" Cardos’s classic Kingdom of the Spiders.

The film’s events take place in rural Arizona. Local veterinarian Dr. Robert "Rack" Hansen (played by none other than William Shatner) is asked to look at an ailing prize calf owned by local farmer Walter Colby (Woody Strode). The calf dies for unknown reasons, and Rack sends the animal’s blood to the university to get checked out. The test results come back: it’s spider venom!

Soon, spiders are attacking more than cows. People are found cocooned in webbing in their homes and vehicles. What’s more, these aren’t just the attacks of one kind of spider. Nope! It seems that for the first time ever, all spiders are putting aside their differences and working together, as the giant spider mound in the Colbys’ backyard makes apparent. Rack and university Professor of Arachnology Diane Ashley (Tiffany Bolling) try to figure out why this is happening while also trying not to let it happen to them.

Kingdom of the Spiders is not only an “Animals Attack” movie, it’s also a proud member of that post-Jaws genre: the “We’re not closing the beaches” movie. That’s right - not only are spiders attacking people, but the powers-that-be won’t deal with the problem in the manner that Dr. Ashley (an actual, honest-to-goodness expert on the subject) suggests because it would interfere with the County Fair! Sorry folks, spiders are oogie, but business is business!

This is also one of those movies that I saw on TV as a kid, and it gave me all sorts of nightmares. Tarantulas crawling all over the place - in basements, in cars, in planes - gave me the willies, but it’s the movie’s final shot that sent me over the edge. I won’t ruin it for you if you haven’t seen it, but I’m sure you’ll feel the same way when you do. It’s the perfect downer ending, maybe one of the better ones the 1970s served up. You'll sleep with the lights on for a month, unless...