30 October: Chopping Mall

 

It’s 30 October. We are 24 hours away from the big day - Halloween!

Then, it’s all downhill from there. The rest of the year will circle the drain in an orgy of consumerism and gluttony. Shopping malls and big box stores will fill with mindless zombies wandering from aisle to aisle in search of needless things. If only there was some way we could cure ourselves of our need to buy stupid stuff. If only there were, say, some machines that would patrol the malls and protect us from ourselves.

Look no further! For today’s Cinematic Void 31 Days of Voidoween movie challenge topic, “Robots,” we’re going shopping, but not just at any ol’ mall. We’ll shop ‘til we drop...dead!...at Jim Wynorski’s classic Chopping Mall!

The Park Plaza Mall has a new security system. Roaming the floors after hours, three Protector-series robots safeguard the likes of Chess King, Gadzooks, and Deb. Unfortunately, a lightning storm gives the robots a little too much juice, and soon they aren’t differentiating between shoppers and robbers (as if there’s really a difference). This wouldn’t be a problem (I mean what’s a few dead technicians and janitors?), if four teen (teen?) couples weren’t using the furniture store as their personal overnight party palace. Soon, the robots track the kids (kids?) down and begin neutralizing them. Will Ferdy and Allison get together? Will Mike ever chew gum with his mouth closed? Will that cute top still be on sale at No Name in the morning?

Chopping Mall (originally released as Killbots) hits that sweet spot that, in my personal opinion, all horror movies should shoot for. There’s a campiness to the proceedings that make the movie seem like a party you actually want to be at. The characters are likeable - even the aforementioned Mike whose constant gum chewing will give those suffering from misophonia the heebie-jeebies. The action is well-lit so you can see what is actually happening and moves quickly so you’re not constantly checking your watch, wondering when it’s all gonna end. (The lighting and pacing of modern horror movies are pet peeves of mine - sorry!) Best of all, when it’s time to get down and dirty, the film doesn’t hold back. Leslie getting chased down by a killbot and losing her head - literally - is especially fine.

The cast of Chopping Mall is filled with 80s horror vets. Kelli Maroney (Night of the Comet), Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator), and Russell Todd (Friday the 13th, Part 2) will have you going “Oh, it’s that actor!” throughout the movie. Also be on the lookout for cameos from Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel, and Dick Miller. Director Jim Wynorski, like 90% of Hollywood it seems, got his start thanks to Roger Corman. He wrote and/or directed numerous 80s exploitation fare like Sorceress (1982), Screwballs (1983), Deathstalker II (1987), and Not of This Earth (1988).

Watch Chopping Mall and remember to have a nice day!