Brian is on the tarmac at Boston's Logan Airport awaiting the arrival of two passengers who are holding up Sandpiper Air Flight 48's return to Nantucket. The would-be sport fishermen finally arrive, and boy, do they look familiar. The heavy-set fellow, Norm, seems to have an inordinate love of beer, and his mustachioed friend, Cliff, is a know-it-all who frowns at mailman jokes. (More on them later!)
Back at the terminal of Tom Nevers Field, Joe is nervously anticipating being interviewed by American Flyer magazine. The good publicity, he feels, could put Sandpiper Air on the map. Ted Cobb, the reporter, arrives aboard Brian's flight. It quickly becomes obvious, however, that Ted isn't enamored with idea of writing up three pages about Joe and his little one-plane operation. It seems that he'd rather be back at his old post at Mercenary Monthly, spinning wild yarns about even wilder men. Men like Brian, who is a big fan of Ted's work. The two hit it off, then go off leaving Joe behind.
Will Joe ever see his name in print? Will Brian ever tell Joe how he feels about him? Will Norm and Cliff ever go fishing before they have to go back to Boston?
Some housekeeping first: your computer and internet connection are working just fine. You didn't miss my blog post on Season Two, Episode One, "The Puppetmaster." And, no, that episode is not an adaptation of a Robert Heinlein story.
I am watching this series on Hulu. Streaming services, as well as DVD/Blu-ray releases, are notorious for leaving out certain episodes. Why does this happen? Mainly it's because of music rights issues. Obtaining the rights to use music is very expensive, and many are the TV shows and movies that have not been (legally) released to the public because the distribution companies and rights holders could not come to an agreement. WKRP in Cincinnati is a perfect example of this problem. For years, it was nigh impossible to get your hands on the original episodes as they were broadcast because of music licensing issues. It wasn't until 2014 that you could get your hands on a complete DVD set with around 90% of the original music cleared for use.
Unfortunately, Wings is no different. There are about twenty-three episodes over the entire series that are unavailable for (legal) streaming because of this issue. So, instead of discussing how Brian hires an actor to pretend to be a pilot in order to get Helen to break her promise never to date pilots (which is what "The Puppetmaster" is all about), we are here to talk about the first Cheers/Wings crossover. Not a bad trade off, if I do say so myself.
If you haven't guessed it already (And if you haven't -- what's up? Are you feeling all right?), the "Norm and Cliff" mentioned above is that Norm and Cliff. Wings was created and produced by veterans of the Cheers writers' room: David Angell, Peter Casey, and David Lee. These three would also create Frasier. Not too shabby a career, says I.
The inclusion of Norm and Cliff is great way to broaden the horizons of the show, as well as drawing in new viewers. Cheers was wildly popular, and the shenanigans of Norm and Cliff, were in a large part responsible for that show becoming the ratings juggernaut that it was. Here, the episode isn't about the two-man brew crew from Boston, which is nice. The main storyline is still about Joe and Brian, but every so often they bump into Norm and Cliff during their surf-n-turf bar crawl. The Cheers regulars are the jimmies on the Wings cupcake, so to speak.
Mmmm...cupcakes...
Fans of body horror will recognize the man who plays the journalist Ted Cobb. That's actor Charles Callahan, and he was "Norris" in John Carpenter's The Thing. He was a well-travelled actor on TV. He appeared on episodes of The Rockford Files, Hawaii Five-O, Soap, The Paper Chase, and Hill Street Blues. I like to think that this isn't just Ted Cobb who's visiting Nantucket Island, it's Ted Cobb-Thing! How long was he alone with those passengers during the flight from Boston? Did he ever get Brian alone somewhere when they hit the town together? I think we can assume that Norm and Cliff have been assimilated and Sam and Diane are soon to join the collective!
There's a lot going on here, so Lowell and Fay have to make the most of their screen time. They partake in some pretty good gags throughout, especially my man Lowell. We get another mention of the Hackett Bros. handyman's life on a house boat when Norm and Cliff say they are looking to do some deep sea fishing:
Norm:Cliffy, let's go down to the wharf and charter a boat.
Lowell:I've a boat for charter. She's a beauty, and I'll give you a great deal, too.
Norm:Sounds good.
Lowell:Of course, my family lives on the boat, but they won't get in your way. Don't mind the little one. He'll probably just crawl right up into your lap and fall asleep. At least that way he won't eat the bait.
Fay gets in on the act when Ted Cobb hits the terminal. He introduces himself, and she does her best to be helpful.
Ted: I'm Ted Cobb from American Flyer magazine. I'm looking for Joe Hackett.
Fay: That's him right over there. In case you need it for your article, my name is Fay Evelyn Cochran, my favorite color is blue, and I was the first stewardess to use the emergency exit gesture. [With both hands, she points straight ahead, then off to each side.]
Ted:I've seen your work. Thanks.
This is also a great episode for Steven Weber to strut his comedic stuff. Ted, it seems is well known to Brian.
Brian: Ted Cobb...you aren't the Ted Cobb who wrote for Mercenary Monthly, are you?
Ted: Yeah, I am.
Brian: Man, I loved your stuff! My favorite was the four-part article on the sucking chest wound.
Ted: Yeah, I was pretty proud of that.
Brian: I used to read your magazine from cover to cover when I was flying out of Mustique.
Ted: You flew out of Mustique? I lived there for two years! Did you ever go drinking at Basil's?
Brian: Are you kidding me? They named a drink after me: "The Traumatic Head Injury."
And just like that, poor Joe's dreams of being featured in American Flyer magazine...well...they fly right out the door. How can you compete with a brother who has lit Princess Margaret's cigarette with a tiki torch? Not to worry though, Gentle Viewer, there's still time at the end of the episode for the Brothers Hackett to reveal their true feelings to each other. And for Fay to admit that she is, perhaps, watching too much TV wrestling. Is that even a thing?!
Well, folks, you know what time it is. As we begin our final descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright positions. Be sure that you securely fasten your seat belts. Place your carry-on luggage beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. We have been given permission to land, and our next flight won't be for another month. It won't be until November that we fly the funny skies of Wings and talk about Episode Three of Season Two, "A Little Nightmare Music." Why the month-long layover, you ask? Because it's October, and that means it's time for this blogger's 31-day trip through the land of witches, vampires, and ghouls. It's time for LARPing Real Life to talk Halloween! I hope you'll drop by during October and see what we're up to in these parts. I'll be writing about some of my favorite spooky movies, TV shows, radio shows, books, and more! It should be a good time.
It's that time of year again, kiddies. The time of year when the air gets a little cooler. The shadows get a little longer. The sun goes to bed earlier and gets up later, giving the moon free rein to the night sky and leaving all the wee beasties that worship her to cavort across the darkened landscape undisturbed.
Not only is it the Season of the Witch, it is also the Season of the Blog. It's the time of year when I think it's a great idea to knock out 400-600 words a day until I have thirty-one blog entries about all things Halloween.
Halloween 2020 was such a blast, I thought I'd try it again this October. Last year, I configured a weekly schedule so that every day of the week had its own theme - Mondays were all about music, for instance, and Saturdays brought a spooky short story.
This year, I've fallen a little behind in my planning and scheduling. I was honestly getting nervous and unsure if I was going to be able to throw something togther for Halloween 2021. Luckily, the good people behind Los Angeles's freakiest film group, Cinematic Void, did the work for me. Behold -- the Voidoween Movie Challenge!
I'll be following the Void's prompts (more or less) throughout the month of October. I'll be tweaking it here and there so I can write about things other than movies. I'll include entries on spooky music, novels, and audio drama. Like last year, I'll keep my entires short, sweet, and to the point. Think of them as daily campfire tales...and those aren't very scary...right?
If you are on Twitter, be sure to look for the #voidoween and #cinematicvoid hastags. As a matter of fact, why don't you join in on the fun? Share your daily movie choices and use the hashtags so everyone can see what you're up to.
I’ve become a sucker for mysteries. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in the past five years, I moved away from science fiction, fantasy, and horror and fell head-over-heels in love with private eyes, police procedurals, and amateur sleuths. The format doesn’t matter - books, old radio shows, movies, television programs - just gimmie a dead body, a killer, and someone who wants to bring the killer to justice, and I’m a happy camper.
Like any addict, I’m always looking for the next high or the newest drug. I always have one eye open for an author or a TV series I’ve never heard of or seen before. Patricia Wentworth and George Baxt, for instance, are writers whose novels I’ve just discovered. Wentworth’s cozy tales of Miss Maud Silver and Baxt’s use of famous classic Hollywood actors and actresses as sleuths are scratching a lot of my itches these days. But, as I’ve said, as an addict, I need more, more, MORE!
So, I was intrigued when I happened across a TV show I’d never heard of before on Amazon Prime: Tucker’s Witch. It looked to be right in my wheelhouse. Set in Los Angeles, the show follows the exploits of a husband and wife private investigation team (played by Tim Matheson and Catherine Hicks) as they delve into the seedy side of SoCal life. They have a great house in Laurel Canyon that they share with Amada’s mother, Ellen (Barbara Barrie). They are assisted along the way by their firm’s sole employee, Marsha (Alfre Woodard), and by Lt. Fisk of the LAPD (Bill Morey).
There were plenty of male-female detective teams on TV in the 1970s and 1980s: McMillan & Wife, Hart to Hart, Moonlighting, Remington Steele. What set the Tuckers apart from the crowd was the fact that Amanda was a witch. Armed with psychic and telekinetic abilities, Amanda used her powers - as well as some help from her cat, Dickens - to gain insights into the cases she and Rick worked on. Unfortunately, her control of these powers wasn’t 100%. Sometimes the visions she had were a bit too vague or her ability to pick a lock with a snap of her fingers failed her at the crucial moment.
The novelty of the above combined with there only being 13 episodes meant that I could move Tucker’s Witch to the top of my viewing queue with few qualms. What I discovered in the first and second episodes, however, was a mystery in and of itself.
After a brief prologue showing the murder (more on that later), the credits sequence for the pilot episode appears. The title of the show is presented as The Good Witch of Laurel Canyon. No biggie, I thought, lots of shows change their names after getting picked up. Then, the cast is introduced, and I am completely confused. Instead of Catherine Hicks, top billing goes to Kim Cattrall. Her co-star isn’t Tim Matheson, but instead is Art Hindle. What is going on here, I wondered? Nonplussed, I nevertheless went with the flow and continued watching.
A man (played by Ted Danson) takes a woman into the elevator of an empty Los Angeles high-rise for a little late night foolin’ around. Before they reach their rooftop destination, however, the man hits the emergency stop button and kills the woman, leaving her body in the elevator.
Amanda’s dreams are filled with stories of the three so-far unsolved “elevator murders.” Dickens, Amanda’s feline familiar, tells her that there has been a fourth, but the newspapers have nothing to report. Marcia calls during breakfast to tell Rick and Amanda that there has indeed been a new victim found, and there is a Miss Barringer at the office who claims to know the killer’s identity. Her sister was the second victim, and she believes that her sister’s ex-husband, Frank Kopcheck, murdered her.
Following up on their new client’s leads, Rick and Amanda discover that the woman’s sister and the latest victim both had a keyring inscribed with the letters “DM.” These letters are the logo and trademark of a video dating business called Data Match. Rick and Amanda individually pose as singles and sign up for Data Match’s services. While there, they meet the owner of DM, Danny Kirkwood -- played by Ted Danson!
Rick figures out that each of the victims were married women who were using Data Match to meet new men. Their videotaped profiles are kept hidden in a backroom. Danny discovers that the tapes have been “borrowed” and trails Rick back to the Tucker & Tucker offices.
While Rick is on a “date” with Babs, a woman he believes may offer them more clues to solving the murders, Danny calls Amanda, asking her out on a date. Their destination? A newly constructed high-rise with an elevator that goes all the way...to hell!
Will Amanda escape from Danny’s clutches? Will Rick escape from Babs’s? Will Amanda’s powers help her or let her down?
All in all, it’s a pretty fun episode. Like Columbo, it isn't so much a whodunit as it is a howdunit. We know Danny is the murderer, but how are Rick and Amanda gonna figure it all out? There are loads of little humorous touches, such as Amanda using her powers to deal with a backyard peeping tom. The chemistry between Cattrall and Hindle is pleasant and believable, and both have the charisma for leading roles. The show may not have been groundbreaking television, but it had the promise to be entertaining. If I had seen this pilot back in the day, I would have looked forward to more adventures of the Tuckers.
Come fall of 1982, however, CBS replaced both actors with Matheson and Hicks in the roles of Rick and Amanda Tucker and re-shot the pilot as Tucker’s Witch.
Wha’ happened was Porky’s.
In between the pilot of The Good Witch of Laurel Canyon being filmed and CBS agreeing to pick it up in May of 1982, Bob Clark’s raunchy teen sex comedy was released to theaters in the United States and Canada. In that film, Ms. Cattrall portrays gym teacher “Lynn 'Lassie' Honeywell” whose turn-on is the smell of the equipment in the boy’s locker room. (I don’t write ‘em, folks, I just report on ‘em.) Alas, this turn-on was a turn-off to CBS executives. Cattrall was let go, and Hindle (who also had a small role in Porky’s) followed.
What’s interesting about being able to watch the original pilot and its reshot replacement back-to-back is seeing how the two episodes match up. Both the differences as well as the similarities are pretty intriguing. For example, in the remade episode, there are a few scenes that were trimmed or cut altogether. Camera set-ups were also different in some scenes. For every difference, however, there are plenty of things that remain the same. So much so, that you soon realize that they just reused shots when and where they could, which makes sense.
The biggest differences, obviously, are what Hindle & Cattrall and Matheson & Hicks brought to bear on their characters. While Kim Cattrall is very sexy and alluring (she is Samantha on Sex and the City, after all), Catherine Hicks has more of a girl-next-door quality. Both approaches work for my money. It would have been nice to see Cattrall get more of a run out in the role, but I love Hicks as Amanda Tucker. She has an earnestness about her that is perfect. Tim Matheson, too, has a charm and boy-next-door quality that Hindle doesn’t quite have. I like Art Hindle quite a lot. If you’ve never seen him in David Cronenberg’s The Brood, you owe it to yourself to check it out. Matheson just has more of a playful feel that makes him seem a bit more likeable. Watch the scene at Data Match when Rick is being shown around. Hindle doesn’t play it with the same devil-may-care attitude as Matheson, which I think is what you want in a private eye.
I want to continue talking Tucker’s Witch - I haven’t mentioned my love of Barbara Barrie as Amanda’s mother, Ellen, or the kickass convertible that the Tuckers tool around in - so I plan on throwing it into the rotation as a replacement for Wings every so often (which I promise we will return to soon). I’m also looking forward to writing about Tenspeed and Brown Shoe, the 1980 private detective series written by Stephen J. Cannell and starring Jeff Goldblum and Ben Vereen, as well as the Italian TV series Inspector Montalbano, based on the novels by Andrea Camillari. So, for the foreseeable future, it looks like we’ll be turning the tables on these private eyes and watching them watching them watching them...
Last year, just as the first COVID lockdown was happening, we had a bug problem in our apartment.
No, nothing as serious as Mr. Pratt's houseguests. Our bugs were of the ant variety.
Well, maybe it just felt like the problem was that big. My wife and I certainly had to take some drastic measures.
Okay, it was just me wiping everything down in our kitchen with lemon juice and shaking cinnamon everywhere until I could find out where the little buggers were coming from. Then I went out and bought some ant traps. Happy? Sheesh!
One of the things that popped into my mind while I was looking up ways to fight off this tiny, invading army was "Leiningen Versus the Ants." How could I not think of this classic "Humanity vs. Nature" story that I'd first encountered in a junior high English class? (I seem to recall also being introduced to Jack London's "To Build a Fire" - another classic of the genre - and Edgar Allan Poe's "The Masque of the Red Death" at about the same time. What a trifecta of terror!)
Written by Austrian-born German Carl Stephenson in 1938, "Leiningen Versus the Ants" is an old-style adventure yarn, a short story genre that has fallen out of favor in more literary circles. Modern readers may be surprised to discover that Stephenson's story was published alongside Ernest Hemingway in the December 1938 issue of Esquire.
(Now's not the time or the place to get into the whole "genre vs literary fiction" debate, so I will simply recommend that you check out Michael Chabon's introduction to his 2001 book of essays, Maps & Legends. "Trickster in a Suit of Lights: Thoughts on the Modern Short Story" pretty much says it all as far as I am concerned.)
The story is simple: A government official makes a special and urgent call to Leiningen's plantation in the middle of the Brazilian rainforest. The purpose of his visit? To bring warning of an oncoming nightmare: "Ten miles long, two miles wide--ants, nothing but ants!" Leiningen's spread is directly in the ants' path, and if the plantation owner and his 400 workers don't clear out pronto, then they risk being eaten alive.
Leiningen thanks the official for his visit, but he doesn't plan on going anywhere. His plantation represents three years of hard work, and he won't leave it for love or money...or ants.
The rest of the story tells of Leiningen's attempts to thwart the insectoid tidal wave. Moats are dug, petrol is splashed liberally about, and in the end it's up to Leiningen himself to face the six-legged onslaught.
Told you the story was simple.
One of the things that will probably strike modern readers (and maybe infuriate them, too) is that Leiningen isn't the "bad guy" in the story. Sure, he's obstinate and maybe a bit arrogant, but he isn't some mustache-twirling, cigar-chomping villain that will make readers actively root for the ants. He's just a guy who wants to save his life's work from going down the gullet of a bunch of insects. Should "Leiningen Versus the Ants" get a remake, then I can see Leiningen being protrayed as an eco-colonizer who is exploiting the land and his workers for profit. The ants would be recast as a miles-long and wide swarm of tiny avenging angels.
I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy watching that movie, and I'm also not saying that the questions that movie would ask aren't pertinent to our present-day eco-crisis, but I think it's also interesting to view this story from the perspective of the times in which it written. For right or wrong, "Leiningen Versus the Ants" is a story about problem solving and overcoming obstacles. It's about heroism in the face of an elemental force, or as the government official says, "an act of God." Reading the story with that frame of mind might allow the more skeptical reader to enjoy Stephenson's story as it was intended -- a simple action-adventure yarn.
While "Leiningen Versus the Ants" might not be at the same level as, say, "The Most Dangerous Game" in terms of number of adaptations, there are still quite a few very good versions that have been turned out over the years.
The radio program Escape churned out a few adaptations in the late-40s with William Conrad as Leiningen. Conrad's voice carried such gravitas over the radio. By his own estimate, he portrayed more than 7,500 roles during his radio career, the most famous being Marshal Matt Dillon on Gunsmoke. Conrad's Leiningen is determination and resourcefulness personified.
Not to be outdone, the radio show Suspense also brought Leiningen to America's ears in the late-1950s. Once again, William Conrad stepped into Leiningen's petrol-soaked shoes for a 1957 broadcast. Two years later, Suspense was at it again, only this time Mexican-born actor Luis van Rooten portrayed the plantation owner.
The movies got in on the act in 1954 with the release of The Naked Jungle. Produced by George Pal and directed by Byron Haskin, it starred Charleton Heston as Leiningen and introduced a love interest (played by Eleanor Parker) into the equation -- as is Hollywood's wont.
If you aren't into big screen adaptations, how about a Leiningen-esque story from the small screen? Back in 1985, everyone's favorite improv action-adventure hero, Macgyver, battled a horde of ravenous ants in the Brazilian rainforest in the episode called "Trumbo's World." Who knew duct tape and a Swiss army knife were the jungle ant's natural enemies?
Finally, if you like the funny books more than anything, then we got you covered, baby. Strange Suspense Stories #20 published a comic version of "Leiningen..." -- er, I mean "Van Mohl Versus the Ants" back in 1954. This version of the story is the one most modern readers would prefer, with Van Mohl portrayed as a big fat jerk who gets his comeuppance in the most EC Comics' Tales from the Crypt sort of way. It's very satisfying to see Van Mohl's fate in that last panel.
So, I hope you are all better prepared now to handle your next ant invasion. Because, as I'm sure you're now well aware, it's a matter of "when" not "if."
Besides, I'm much happier now that I've made my peace with our new ant overlords. I may not understand what the heck is going on...but it's certainly a funkier world.
We've got more Wings coming up (stay tuned for Season Two), as well as entries on "Leiningen Versus the Ants" and Tucker's Witch, but first, this special announcement: LARPing Real Life has made the jump to other blogs!
If you like your film discussions to have the piquant flavor of academia, then may I suggest you head on over to Horror Homeroom and read my essay on Ari Aster's Midsommar? Fans of LARPing Real Life (you know who you are!) may recognize it from a previous entry, but I assure you that the version on Horror Homeroom is tighter, more focused, and generally more high-falutin'. I had a blast getting it in shape, and I hope to do more "academic" writing in the future.
Prefer your horror movie writing to be more visceral? Well, I think I got something for ya. The folks at Kindertrauma were kind enough to let me talk about my "Five Favorite Things" about George A. Romero's adaptation of Stephen King's The Dark Half. I had a lot of fun talking up one of my favorite Romero films.
I am hoping to branch out more and write for other platforms. I have a few ideas brewing. As they get published, I will be sure to keep yinz in the loop.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming...
Roy and Fay are at sixes and sevens. Roy wants to expand his hangar; Fay wants to protect a family of short-eared owls nesting nearby. Joe agrees to support Fay's cause at the next airport committee meeting, much to Roy's chagrin.
Brian has scored three, center-court tickets for the upcoming Celtics-Knicks game. He views this as a perfect opportunity for The Three Musketeers to get together again. Joe and Helen - the other two-thirds of said Musketeers - heartily agree. Huzzah!
Roy, playing the part of Cardinal Richelieu, learns of the trio's plans and arranges for the airport committee to call an emergency meeting the night of the game. Joe, ever the Boy Scout (would he be the Aramis of the group?), agrees to forego the pleasures of seeing a Larry Bird three-pointer in person and promises Fay he'll be there.
Later at the meeting, Joe learns that the game was called off. But if that's the case, then what are Brian and Helen doing? And where are they doing it? And does it involve "Bonus Travel Miles"?
It's the last episode of Season One, so it's nice that they close things out by focusing on the main characters. And, of course, that means we get the first Joe-Helen-Brian love triangle storyline. It's the perfect set-up for the coming seasons. Unless you aren't a fan of "will they, won't they?" stories where the characters bicker endlessly about how they hate each other only to come together and smooch like crazy. And if you are one of those people, I've got one question for you: Why do you hate America?
This episode also contains more instances of what I hope will be an ongoing, series-long game. I am, of course, talking about playing "What the hell is Brian wearing?" First off, what the hell kind of Celtics shirt is he wearing? It's a strange, pea-soup, off-green color that I highly doubt Robert Parish would ever wipe his sweaty face with let alone wear.
Later, after his date with Helen, we see him in a sweater that I gotta admit I would have killed to have had back in high school. Hotchka!
Speaking of Brian's quirks, this is another episode where he jumps up and sits on Helen's lunch counter. I don't know what's grosser: Brian putting his shoes where people eat or drinking straight from the coffee creamer pitcher. I mean...ew!
I'll forgive Brian for the above because of the killer ping-pong impersonation he does while Joe is trying to work, as well as for the following exchange with Helen. While trying to look inconspicuous in Helen's living room, Brian quickly grabs a book and pretends to read it.
Brian: This is really amusing.
Helen:[Looking at the cover] Great Moments in British History?
Brian: Yeah, Churchill just gave the queen a wedgie!
Royal wedgies make everything better! We are extremely amused!
While Joe, Brian, and Helen are front-and-center this episode, the supporting cast is given a chance in the spotlight, too. The gags get off to a sassy start when Roy and Fay square off at the beginning of the episode over Roy's plans for the nesting area of the owls Fay is trying to protect:
Roy: I need that extra space for my hangar to park my new plane.
Joe: Couldn't you put it somewhere else?
Fay: I've got a suggestion.
Roy: You and me, the parking lot, anytime you're ready, Granny!
Joe:[Holding Roy back.] For God's sake, Roy!
Roy: She's been asking for it!
Fay: Give me your best shot, Lumpy.
Damn, Fay! Honestly, I think she could take him. Especially if she uses her "Thing I use to peek around corners and look at birds with."
Later, Lowell gets in on the act when Fay informs Joe that he can't go to the Celtics game because the airport committee has called an emergency meeting for the same night. Joe tries to suggest other, more qualified people to take his place:
Joe: What about the president of Nantucket Nature Society?
Fay: Lois Anders? No, I'm afraid not. You remember that bumper sticker she has on her car? "I Break for Field Mice"? Well, she did and got rear-ended by a bus.
Lowell: I paid her a visit in the hospital. She's doing fine. She's still a little skittish if you come up behind her and go "Beep!"
Okay, folks, it is that time. Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full, upright positions. Securely fasten your seat belts. Tuck your carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and be sure your "Thing you use to peek around corners and look at birds with" is safely stowed in the overhead bins. And, no, we do not offer a Bonus Travel Miles program, no matter what the gentleman in the loud Hawaii shirt says. Please do not sit on his lap for any reason.
This flight we discussed a love triangle. Next time out, we will be flying into another kind of triangle: the Missing Episode Triangle! It's the start of Season Two, but we will be discussing Episode Two, "The Story of Joe," not Episode One, "The Puppetmaster."
Brian is very excited: it's been a full week, and his brother, Joe, hasn't fired him. [Ed.: I feel the same way about my continued employment.] Looking to celebrate this milestone, Brian asks Helen to go out with him and paint the town red. She turns him down, because, as a rule, she doesn't date pilots. Undeterred, Brian asks Lowell, Fay, and even (gasp!) Roy to tagalong with him, but no one seems much interested.
Could it be the shirt?
Left with his brother as a last resort, Brian cajoles Joe to stop being so boring and by-the-book and go out and pick up ladies with him. Joe refuses, and Brian takes this as a challenge to find the perfect woman for his brother. The next day, Brian introduces Cindy McGrath (Megan Mullally) to Joe. Unbeknownst to the Hackett brothers, Cindy is quite well-known to the male population of Nantucket. Will Joe go out on a date with a woman who has such a "reputation"? Will Helen break her rule concerning pilots. Does Lowell live next door to Quincy, M.E.?
Enquiring minds want to know!
Much the way tofu used to be seen as a marker of a character's flibbertigibbetness (that's a word, right?), working behind the make-up counter was sure sign that a character was a bubble-headed ditz. Nothing could be further from the truth! Personally, I am amazed by anyone who can color coordinate. Also, Cindy seems very proud of her abilities and doesn't see her position as a sales clerk as demeaning or low. So, why should we? Good for you, girl!
Speaking of Cindy - and there's a lot to say! - Megan Mullally's accent is pretty great, though I am not sure where it's supposed to land. Is she going for "surfer girl"? There are surfers in New England, right? Let's say there are. Then, she's doing a great surfer girl accent. If that isn't what she was shooting for, then I am not sure where Cindy is supposed to be from. Of course, Helen's Texan accent was easily explained, so let's say all agree that Cindy moved to Nantucket from the Valley when she was in her teens. That's her backstory, and I'm sticking with it.
Cindy's reputation as a "good time girl." Ultimately, who cares, am I right? Breaking news: women like having sex as much as men! But, I suppose if we're trying to put things into context, then the return of conservative values mixed with the VD scares of the 1980s meant that someone was getting thrown under the prejudicial bus for being easy. And we all know that no one is going to snigger behind their hand at Jimmy (Ben Mittleman) for sleeping around. Gee, I wonder why? What could be the difference between Jimmy and Cindy? Hmm? It'll come to me...
Lately, I've been enjoying a YouTube playlist of author Harlan Ellison's commentaries from the old Sci-Fi Channel. Called Harlan Ellison's Watching, they were part of a show called Sci-Fi Buzz running from 1993-1996. The commentaries were four or five minute blasts of Ellison at his best: angry, hopeful, angry, witty, angry, hilarious, and...well...angry. One of the topics that Ellison would return to a few times over the series was the subject of cultural illiteracy. Ellison bemoaned the fact that readers (or TV viewers for that matter) were growing less aware of the past. This lack of awareness of what's come before means that writers are unable to make cultural references for fear of losing their audience's attention. Cultural references are often used as shorthand. If an audience doesn't understand the reference, then they won't understand the implications of it in what they are reading/watching.
When watching older TV shows, there are often names dropped here and there that will have been well-known to contemporary viewers, but whose identities have been lost to the sands of time, so to speak. In this episode of Wings, there are three references being made that may be unknown to younger, modern viewers. Two of them I can understand; the third, though I know it well, I also know that younger people will just not get it at all, and that pains me.
The first two references are to people who would've been known to viewers at the time. When Joe is introduced to Cindy, he learns a little about what she does for a living:
Cindy: I work down at the Bi-Rite drugstore. Yeah, I'm head of the Cosmetics Department.
Joe:That sounds fascinating.
Cindy: Oh, it is! I mean the right colors can make such a difference. Well, take your face: great bone structure, but I could do wonders with a little bronzer. You know, sort of a Julio Iglesias kind of a thing?
Ol' Julio is a Spanish singer best known for his duet with Willie Nelson and for his tanning regiment, which he claimed gave him his strength and vitality.
The second reference is made by Roy after he sees the sorry shape that Jimmy left the Hackett boys in:
Joe:God, this is so embarrassing.
Helen:Oh, would you just forget it. That place was full of tourists. Nobody you know will ever hear about it.
[Roy enters the scene and rings a bell on the wall.]
Roy:Well, well. If it isn't the Spinks brothers.
Ah, Leon Spinks...
Ah, Michael Spinks...
Ah, humanity!
I can forgive not knowing those references. If you asked me to name a current Spanish singer or boxer, I'd probably be hard pressed to do so. The third reference, however, is what I would call a biggie. Understanding it makes the joke even funnier. Not knowing the motion picture that is mentioned is, I think, kinda sad.
Cindy arrives at Tom Nevers Field to catch a plane to Boston. She is leaving Nantucket to pursue her dreams in the big city. She lets Joe down easy, but every time she walks away to board her plane, Joe follows her.
Cindy:Joe, Joe, you're ripping my heart out! Don't do this! Don't follow me like this!
Joe:Cindy, I have to. I'm the pilot of your flight.
[The two of them walk off into the fog.]
Roy: [To Fay] Not exactly the end of Casablanca, was it?
At the time, Casablanca was a 50-year-old movie and a cultural touchstone. If you tucked your upper lip above your teeth and said "Here's looking at you, kid" chances were pretty great that other people would know you were doing a Humphrey Bogart imitation. Now, I'm not at all sure that viewers would know what Casablanca was, let alone the famous ending of that movie. Again: ah, Bogie! Ah, humanity!
Let's turn away from such maudlin ruminations on the loss of cultural memory and get down to enjoying some great gags. In this episode, Fay has got some very funny moments. Speaking to a woman enquiring about an upcoming flight, Fay reveals a few interesting facts from her past:
Woman:When does the next flight from Boston arrive?
Fay:There's an Aeromass flight due soon. Are you meeting someone?
Woman:My son. He's in the army.
Fay:How nice for you. My second husband, George, was in the army. Or was that my first husband, George?
Woman:You had two husbands named George?
Fay:Three actually. Buried them all.
Woman:That's rather unusual.
Fay:Not really. Where I come from, we always bury our dead.
Later, when Brian reveals the name of the woman he's found for his brother, Fay mentions that she also knew a woman named Cindy:
Fay:Joe, Cindy is a nice name. In my stewardess days, I once flew with a girl named Cindy. I'll never forget her. She spilled a bag of peanuts in a minister's lap, then made the mistake of going after them herself. It's now in the training manual under the heading "Don't Ever Do This."
We also get a peek at Lowell's life away from Tom Nevers Field. Last episode, we learned that Lowell was married. This time, we learn a little bit about where:
Brian:Hey, Lowell, how about you and me going out and having a couple beers?
Lowell:No, thanks, I gotta get home. Wife called, and I got two inches of water in the living room.
Brian:Is your roof leaking?
Lowell:No, it's the floor. I live on a boat.
Oh, man! Houseboat livin'! I've always dreamed of living on a houseboat. Could you imagine having Lowell and Quincy as your neighbors? Maybe Sonny Crockett from Miami Vice lives across the way, too?
Last, but not least, can we talk about Brian's wardrobe in this episode? That shirt he's wearing in the first half looks like a Bubblicious commercial threw up on him.
And what he has on during his double date with Joe? Well, that's got South of the Border gift shoppe written all over it!
Well, the time has come, ladies and gentlemen. Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full, upright positions. Securely fasten those seat belts. Be sure your carry-on luggage is stowed beneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. And if a woman named Cindy spills some peanuts in your lap, well, maybe just go with it. It's her first day on the job. Cut her some slack.
Next time out, we will be flying into the last episode of season one. It's called "All for One, And Two for Helen," and it's the first of what I assume will be many episodes about the Joe-Helen-Brian triangle.
